What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
