There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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