I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
