i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
