Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
How external is "for external use only"?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize