yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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