I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Still dying that you shit outside
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize