yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
This is the high leading the old right now
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
sex in a hospital.. check
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
