One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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