I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Randomize
