I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
