alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
This beer is not sobering me up at all
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
