she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize