i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
