My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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