Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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