do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
