my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
