fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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