i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
She announced her abortion via fbk
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
