Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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