I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My bed smells like the plague
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
