so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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