This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
