even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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