She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
