We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
