DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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