My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
