What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
They took my balls.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
