YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
