The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Everything about him screamed your future.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
