walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
