party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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