Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Randomize
