My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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