good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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