You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
