tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
