This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
