Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
