I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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