she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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