I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
