community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
