I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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