The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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