You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
