Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
