you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I have tasted many bathrooms
ok first of all what the fuck
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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