I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
