She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Is it penis luge time yet?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
