Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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