her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
