This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
