she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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