I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
