God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize