Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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