So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
