Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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