the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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