I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
