I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
