I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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