ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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