It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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