well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
