Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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