we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
