Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
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