What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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