normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
