I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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