Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
