I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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