He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
