Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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