Well douche your snatch and let's go!
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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