he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
