Whod you bang
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
