Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
