I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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