i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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