I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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