At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
