I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
