Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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