hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
