After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
