it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
false alarm. still invincible.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
