We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize