Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
