i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
