Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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