i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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