I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
