that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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