I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You need a sexual gate keeper
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
