we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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