the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
