Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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