So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
